I Come Off Better In Writing

Let’s play a game called “Is It My PTSD or Is It Just Adulting?” I have always been notorious for living in a dumpster fire. As I got older and memes became a thing, I definitely started to realize that I wasn’t really alone. Someone actually got the word “adulting” to become of normal use in our everyday language and we all know it means doing bullshit things that are often required in order to stay alive when you no longer can make your parents do everything for you. It’s the freedom to make your own decisions and the crippling anxiety that comes with making your own decisions. For example at Home Depot this morning, as I was picking out new covers for my patio furniture cushions, I felt very much like a grown-up. I eventually did what I always do and got some on Amazon, but they were $88 and that's called an adult purchase. This is coming from someone whose job it is to keep other small humans alive while their parents work. Even then, it doesn't hit me that I am the...

Today I turned 26. Nothing too exciting. I am lakeside in a house I rented for a week, chillin’ in the new portable hammock that my father got for me, avoiding the flood that is currently the state of Illinois. There’s a fire pit out back and I bought the square-shaped ‘mellies that are created specifically for successful s’more assembly. I thought it would be fun to throw it back to the very beginning of my days. Let y’all start to understand why this day is so important to not just me but humanity. The early 1990s: Jane and Larry have successfully had a daughter through in-vitro fertilization. They name her Emily. She’s just okay. *I had mentioned maybe one other time that my mother’s appendix ruptured when she was a little leading to her inability to get preggo the traditional way. Enter, Science.   Anyway, the first child was sorta cute but people tend to want one of each. Or just more than one. So the kids can watch each other, probably. My parents continue to try ...

*Writing this was therapeutic. The entire reason that I am the way I am today is because of what happened. This is the day that the word vomit began. This is probably the last time I will say most of these things.  And just like that, in what I feel was shorter than the blink of an eye, it’s May again. I probably wouldn’t know this if it weren’t for May the 4th followed by Cinco De Mayo which gave us so many good Taco Baby Yoda memes. As far as I’m concerned, it could still be March. When did March end? I can’t stop myself from going there. Not now that it’s May and I feel the anxiety slowly coming back. I’ve always sort of measured things by thinking “a year (or two, three years) ago I was doing this”. I’ll even do it in shorter periods, like weeks or months. Three weeks ago I was sick, three months ago none of us knew this shut down was coming. It’s that this doesn’t feel like it’s been a year. This doesn’t even feel like it actually happened. Maybe in some other para...