I Come Off Better In Writing

A few things happened this week that I thought I’d tell you about. You know when you can’t find your phone and you’re running around looking for it but it’s in your hand? And when you realize it, you feel silly? Everyone has done it. Let’s support each other here. Today on my walk with the baby I was all bundled up because of winter in Chicago. I kicked a giant leaf on the sidewalk and thought I had dropped a glove. I’ve never owned a pair of gloves that remained together for more than a few weeks besides my ski gloves that CLIP TOGETHER. Why don’t they all do that? Who knows. Sometimes kid gloves do but why are we discriminating against people with adult hands? Anyway, I see it was a leaf, start to panic because my gloves aren’t in the little pocket with my keys. They aren’t down by the diaper bag. Damnit. My new gloves. Were on my hands. Did you see that coming? We had a bit of an episode today as well, which is to be expected with a toddler. The thing is with both of my youngest, fo...

  *Preface: reading this back makes me sound a bit unhinged. That’s sort of how I feel when my head gets like this. Blame it on the alcohol PTSD? Have you ever just cried for no reason and known it wasn’t caused by PMS and were just like “ugh fuck”. I want to be funny and uplifting but recent events have me questioning what I know about myself. In true Elizabeth fashion, already met someone else. It’s still new. I like him. He makes me nervous. I’ve word vomited on him several times already. When is a good time to bring up my personal trauma? I’ve waited days, weeks, even about a month in the past. I don’t want to talk about it at all but it still consumes so much of who I am. And I say things like “sorry I can’t shut up, I wasn’t like this before” or “I have a hard time focusing on anything. I wasn’t always like this”. I haven’t always been this way. And I miss old me. I hate this manic brain of mine. I have moved on but this is what I have become and it’s directly related to “se...