The Secret to Life is Actually Raisins

A few things happened this week that I thought I’d tell you about.

You know when you can’t find your phone and you’re running around looking for it but it’s in your hand? And when you realize it, you feel silly? Everyone has done it. Let’s support each other here.

Today on my walk with the baby I was all bundled up because of winter in Chicago. I kicked a giant leaf on the sidewalk and thought I had dropped a glove. I’ve never owned a pair of gloves that remained together for more than a few weeks besides my ski gloves that CLIP TOGETHER. Why don’t they all do that? Who knows. Sometimes kid gloves do but why are we discriminating against people with adult hands?

Anyway, I see it was a leaf, start to panic because my gloves aren’t in the little pocket with my keys. They aren’t down by the diaper bag. Damnit. My new gloves.

Were on my hands.
Did you see that coming?

We had a bit of an episode today as well, which is to be expected with a toddler. The thing is with both of my youngest, food is always a solution to even the worst tantrums. 

Toddlers: they're just like us. 

With C it's raisins. There's nothing I can't solve by giving the child a box of raisins or putting them on his little stroller tray. Kid fucking loves raisins. He sits on my lap and digs raisins out of the box with his little hands while we watch Sesame Street. That's our life. But with my little P, my spirit animal, the one who really likes to scream and is always seconds away from a meltdown, it's cheese. One of the only words her squishy little cheeks can say. Put her in a highchair, and dump some shredded cheese in front of the girl, and happiness ensues. Sometimes I just open the fridge and she quiets down when she can see the cheese drawer. I see so much of me in that child and it gives me some hope for the future. 

I’m actually getting a flu shot right now. They do that in your upper arm which means you’ve gotta take your arm out of your long sleeve shirt, that I am wearing because it’s winter in Chicago. Did I put on deodorant today? I did not. Lucky gal.

I’m not that gross or sweaty I just happened to be slightly hungover this morning and sort of rush out the door for work which means teeth were brushed but deodorant wasn't applied. OH WELL.

Side note: I just dropped off a script at Jewel and the pharmacist said it would be about ten minutes until it’s ready. This happens to be the exact amount of time it will take me to walk upstairs to the liquor floor (to restock on spiked eggnog) and back. I mean damn, that’s convenient
It’s the little things, right?

I’m actually in a stellar mood today and I’m sure it has nothing to do with the Adderall I took this morning... or it’s just post Thanksgiving life where everyone has now joined me on the Christmas train. I’d really like to see more lights guys, it’s hardly cold out in comparison to previous years. You aren’t even supposed to leave your house so why not turn up your Christmas light game this year? You’re out of excuses.

I’ve personally encountered a handful of people who “don’t usually decorate” so naturally, I did it for them. If you find yourself in this position as well, I will pencil you in. Labor is free but all necessary purchases will be made with your dollars.

I can send you references or a small portfolio of my work if you’d like.

It’s been about an hour and my arm still has full mobility. I really don’t mind getting home for the day after 7 because that means all of my shows have already started recording and I won’t have to watch commercials.

The little things, remember?

This would be the time I pour myself a drink, sit down and start doing homework (or wrapping gifts and watching a show by the tree). I would be doing that at present (ew, David) but did you forget how my living room is also a gym now? I’m pretty sure they’re doing p90x or something in there. Starting to feel slightly guilty about not working out today. Time to pour that drink.

Something ELSE I did today was slightly modified my order at Starbucks (currently a Carmel Brûlée Latte with almond milk, and no whip) by substituting the milk for eggnog. YES. I JUST SAID EGGNOG. IN. MY COFFEE.

I have found yet another way to incorporate eggnog into my diet. No wonder I’m in such a good mood.

Can we just quickly talk about how many cute guys there are at grocery stores? Everywhere. I do pride myself on being unapproachable but if you’ve ever seen me check someone out, you’ll know there’s nothing inconspicuous about it. Can men just please make sure their left hand is clearly visible at all times? Thanks.

The masks really aren’t helping. I mean my eyes definitely carry the team for my face, but it’s still not the best time to be chatting people up in the self-check line. I made a joke about hanging out at Guitar Center last week so I could potentially meet someone who plays guitar and have an easier time clocking peoples’ ring finger

I can’t tell if I’m shit at being single or wonderful at it.

Also, I didn’t realize I was too old to understand these kids' lingo until I learned recently what “hella sus” meant. If you know, you know. Apparently, my vocabulary isn’t as up to date as I thought it was even though I use the word “fuck” as an adjective, verb, and noun. 

I will be dog sitting for about a week and a half around Christmas and I've already gotten her two Christmas sweaters to wear because she will be associating with myself and needs to be just as fucking merry as I am. She's a quiet little Shiba Inu and probably will spend most of her time under the kitchen table, but at least she won't follow the behavior of those cats and eat the tinsel off my tree then throw it up on something linen. I miss those kitties so hard because we are back to nobody giving a fuck when I get home, but I am in the process of cat hair removal and I don't wake up with it in my eyeballs anymore, which is kinda nice. 

I've been on Pink Floyd thing this week, and it's giving me so many feels, especially about a new person who is frequently on my mind. You guys know how music just gives me all the feels. I did a long drive down to the middle of BFE the other night and sing screamed "Learning To Fly" for multiple consecutive hours at max volume. 

There's no sensation to compare with this
Suspended animation, a state of bliss

I think I had a moment or two of pure bliss recently and it was so unexpected and peaceful that I want to hang on to those moments for as long as I can. No one person can control your happiness but some things, often the most unexpected, put us in a state of mind that we dream to get lost in forever. I highly recommend being with someone who does that to you. You're never too old to have butterflies. 

It's the most wonderful time of year, right? Or maybe it's just the little things.