I Do My Hair Toss

I wrote something last night that was rather negative and quite abrasive. I don’t have as many bad days anymore but the ones I do have consist of me calling my mother and losing my shit pretty hard. I have to say since last May, where this was a daily occurrence and she would stay with me on the weekends to save herself from late-night calls, I’ve come pretty far.

Most people who know me know I’m a classic rock fan. I’m not saying that I don’t enjoy anything written in the 21st century but it’s never my first pick. HOWEVER, last the summer after shit hit the fan, Lizzo became super popular. If you can’t get down to Lizzo, you should really talk to someone. “Good as Hell” was the first time I danced again. I would play it on repeat while in the shower. My best friend, Jon, would crack up every single time I “checked my nails” because I did my little dance EVERY SINGLE TIME I heard the song. I think the reality is that good music and a dance party pulls me out of a funk and it works every time. I can be driving or cooking but Shania is blasting and I’m working my poor vocals no matter who is around.

If you do not like Shania Twain- I don’t like you.

Does everyone have that fun song that always perks them up? My Mom’s is “Uptown Funk”...it’s equally as embarrassing as it is adorable. I got my personality from her and she will be the first to tell you that you can’t TEACH someone to have a personality.

Did I mention I’m a miracle child? Not like “we didn’t think we could have a baby, then you came” sort of miracle. She LITERALLY (read that in Chris Trager’s voice) could not have children naturally so my sister (first attempt..not the best) and I are IVF kids or “test tube” babies. Take that, science. It doesn’t really matter why she was unable to get pregnant, all I really know is that if your appendix hurts, don’t wait for it to rupture because that’s a bad day. So not only were we well thought out, we were expensive and time-consuming. I made sure to use that every time I didn’t feel like I was being treated like a blessing growing up. If you were going to PAY all that money to have me, doesn’t really make sense that I should be treated like anything less than royalty, ya know? Does the Queen get grounded? I don’t think so.

My name, Elizabeth, is four syllables long. Jane (mom, mother, JST), completely disagrees with shortening it but after some time even she couldn’t spit out that many letters. Eventually, I was (appropriately) called HRH. That stands for Her Royal Highness. Because I’m a princess. My Mom says so. If you’re ever wondering why my pedestal is so high, it’s because I’m a fucking MIRACLE and I’m awesome. And humble. I just thought you should know.

I think everyone has their insecurities but some are much more harmful than others. I feel pretty blessed to be so in love with myself that it’s not something that causes too many issues in my life. In my opinion, it’s much better to be genuinely happy with who you are than needing to feel validated. I don’t walk around like I’m better than anyone because I’m not. Read last night's post if you are unsure about how much time I spend on the struggle bus.

I’ve been in plenty of abusive relationships but the LAST thing I ever thought was that I deserved it. I think I get pretty bent out of shape over things because I don’t get how anyone could treat someone so poorly, not because I think it should’ve happened. If you’re really feeling shitty after a breakup, get cocky and feel bad for the asshole who gets to downgrade for the rest of his/her life.

I do not think I NEED anyone else to make me happy. I’m the funniest person I know so, me alone in a room with myself is pretty much my ideal night. Sometimes I enjoy the company of other people so I can listen to THEM laugh at my jokes. But really, I’m humble and I don’t have half the comedic talent as so many people that I know. Most of the time I’m being absolutely serious when people think I’m joking and that’s somewhat annoying. I often shout at dumb drivers asking where they are from where it’s okay to drive like that after they do something stupid while operating a vehicle. Is that funny? I guess, but I’d genuinely like to know where on earth it’s acceptable to block an intersection or make a left turn in front of someone or change lanes without looking first. Does such a place exist?

So after yesterday, which was rough and left me feeling really overwhelmed, I drank my wine and went to sleep. I woke up this morning, packed my things for a long day of work, made some eggs, and did my hair toss (well, tossed my braids because that was the current “do”), and I’m feeling better. Maybe not quite as great as Lizzo, but I followed the toss with a Smoked Butterscotch Latte from Starbucks and that thing was good as hell.