Another difficult week has ended, but something pretty good might have come out of it. Going to keep that on the DL for now. That’s the first time I’ve ever had reason to use “DL” and I feel really cool about it.
I did get to see my girlfriend for the first time since New Years and we did our typical drinking and fun activities which made out to be a really great Saturday night. I don’t think it’s a huge secret that I’m attracted to women. Look at the way I dress. So I have a side bitch basically, and she’s who I text when men suck. She’s forever my Babe and the absolute best drinking partner I could ask for.
So I’ve got to give my opinion on some things here. The main focus of my week was these GOD DERN wisdom teeth. I’ve had teeth things in the past and given my fair share of money to the dental industry for being born with some dumb guys (and also not actually seeing a dentist after my mom stopped scheduling me appointments- because I hadn’t lived at home in years).
I petition to have a class on these things in High School. I know you liked that meme that said something along the lines of “Adulting is hard because my mom doesn’t make my doctor appointments anymore” and you were right. I ignored the basic dentist appointment for a good while and let a cavity turn into a root canal that has to be redone and it’s really a hot mess and basically the largest mistake of my life outside of certain relationships and smoking. Here is how to do your taxes kids and also here is what it will cost you to ignore a cavity or not get your annual physical. You’re an adult now so call your mom and have her set something up. You just have to.
After graciously housing all four of these wisdom teeth for 25 years, with 0 issues whatsoever, they have now decided to make an appearance and hurt like a bitch. We don’t need to go over my schedule again..I ain’t got time for dis. But the pain got to be so much that I found a guy and made an appointment and got the cool x-ray of my entire skull, and they’re being EVICTED this week. You are thinking, “everyone gets their wisdom teeth out, NBD, and you get drugs”. So was I. And then the chick handed me a fat “what insurance doesn’t cover” bill, and the surgeon said something along the lines of only prescribing large dose ibuprofen and Tylenol. I had to act relieved that I wouldn’t be getting narcos so as to not come off like the completely normal goddamn human that loves having a good stash of that crap. “Oh no, I don’t want that anyway, that stuff makes me loopy”. Yes, and it’s a blast and also IT STOPS PAIN YA DICK.
The only experience I have with going under and mouth pain is from a previous tooth eviction and it was a horrible, incredibly painful experience with a long healing process. So it’s safe to say that on top of being out dollars from taking time off work the week rent is due, this is a suck fest. Really not looking forward to it. In case you were wondering, it costs $275 every FIFTEEN FUCKING MINUTES to be put under. I asked the guy if he could just do it faster, maybe try and break some world records. I’d GLADLY stay awake for $275, let alone a grand. We end of the month broke over here guys. Pros of all this? Ice cream diet. Cons? Already on one, so it’s not that special.
There’s one stubborn asshole tooth because it is MY mouth we are talking about, that is so far up there that he’s getting left and is unlikely to ever start shit. In three short days, I’ll have three fewer teeth and a dope script for giant ibuprofen that is the equivalent of just taking more ibuprofen out of the bottle I already have. I would highly recommend not waiting until these hurt to have them removed if you haven’t already. I bet you already have or don’t have to because yours are not “impacted” or whatever the term is that we use to describe ungrateful teeth that cost hundreds of dollars to have cut out and are USELESS. I’d be more pissed at evolution for keeping those guys but as I’ve stated before, my existence is the result of a ruptured appendix so we’ll let this one slide.
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