WHAT DAY IS IT

Remember as you read these posts that I am working toward being published one day in a book about “how they lived” during these months of quarantine. Maybe my blogs will be in a more specific book about how the struggling Millenials handled this time. Regardless, the details may seem mundane now but they are necessary for the education of this earth’s future. 
Today I ate a banana and then I had a cranberry orange muffin then I had some scrambled eggs and I had a coffee with breakfast and also some collagen water. It was strawberry flavored. 
Kidding. 
The truth is I’m running out of things to say. I don’t even bother spending all day on the phone with people because there is no new information. If you are one of the more valuable occupants of this planet and understand a good “Friends” reference, I read that in Pheobe’s voice from The One Where Everybody Finds Out. She technically says “brand new information”, but tomato tomato. 
I guess there is this. Tomorrow is March 30th. The lockdown has been officially extended through April 30th. That does not mean for certain we are free in a month but it does mean that we can do one-month countdowns and set month-long goals. Maybe to learn a language or be able to do 8 consecutive push-ups. The possibilities are quite limited because we are indoors and without money or the appropriate space to build a rocketship. I am going to be a basic privileged white girl and say my goal is to learn how to paint my own nails because it sure doesn’t look like I’ll be able to get these toes a pedicure any time soon. Sigh. How I miss having strangers rub my hands and feet with lotion. 
I just hit a bowl (not a usual thing for me) so if this gets weird its because I’m a little high. Speaking of being high, for the sake of history, I must remind you all that this “pandemic” is happening in the middle of Girl Scout Cookie sales. Find your local Girl Scout and buy cookies and them bring them over, please. 
I lost a lot of my access to those caramel, coconut, chocolate things when I moved to the city. The last time I remember seeing a sale outside of a Walgreens was when I was at the ripe age of 20 living in Downers Grove, still waiting tables for money while on and off dating/living with some abusive psycho. I was at this Walgreens to buy yet another pack of cigarettes and told the girls as I left that I would buy their cookies if they promised to never ever start smoking. I would’ve bought them anyway, but I felt like having one less grown woman like myself on this earth (at that time) was something to be encouraged. City cookie access is nothing to joke about. If you have a contact, use them. If your guy has a guy, it’s worth a text and a shady alley meet-up. Don’t ever take those cookies for granted.
Before I wrap this uselessness up I will list some recent observations (again, for the sake of learning)
  1. The number of fuck-boy haircuts on these dating apps is horrifying
  2. Crescent Rolls are like a superfood that can be made into anything, and they’re cheap
  3. Flavored soda water flavors are reaching the thousands. Happy ‘bout it
  4. We should be investing in hand creme stock
  5. No matter the determination, eating an entire bag of Reese’s Eggs will lead to stomach discomfort
  6. April showers bring May flowers, which is why it hasn’t stopped raining in weeks
  7. It’s only March but the calendar is just as confused on the timeline as we are
  8. Watching John Wick the second time is a fraction as mortifying because you know what to expect
  9. The I before E except after C (or when sounding like A) rule is bullshit.
  10. Despite endless mocking of my “picky” diet my whole life, I would never be the person to eat an armadillo thing that ate bat poop and you’re welcome. 


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