Why Do We Have So Much Broccoli?

Okay I know there is like a terrifying amount of content coming at you now that everyone and their mother is home posting videos and workouts and recipes and I saw some people singing stuff. Don’t feel obligated to read this all at once. I do think that I am working towards an “Anne Frank” status (with some seriously obvious differences) in my documentation of this time in history. It’s just one person’s perspective of their “life at home” during this global crisis. Annie (does anyone ever call her that or no?) was clearly in a much more dire sitch and didn’t have any of the luxuries that I currently have. 
Luckily we moved prior to all of this and I now live with additional humans. The Andrews. I cannot imagine being home alone during this time. Seriously. We are working together to make this place a pretty nice home for ourselves and have spent countless hours at Target getting household items and groceries. According to my Asian Andrew, Target is where white people shop. He also associates us with mayonnaise. The child is from Brookfield but apparently living with us VERY white folk has opened new doors for him. I feel blessed to have personally been able to show him the wonders of Target. 
We have also abused the shit out of my Costco membership and are eating three full home-cooked meals daily, with snacks and a wide selection of coffees, juices, flavored waters, and alcohol. The amount of food/liquor here is ridiculous. We did not hoard or “panic” buy anything, we just cannot go out and get groceries without buying one of everything. These boys like to eat. We also like to shop without confirming we don’t have something already. That’s how we ended up with over FIVE pounds of broccoli between the fridge and freezer. Do you need some almond milk? They don’t sell it in small portions at Costco and I like the vanilla while someone else needs plain and also let’s just get some while we’re here and then suddenly we could fill a swimming pool with almond milk. 
The truth is we don’t know for sure how long we will be sort of isolated but I can promise you that even if it’s another month, we will not run low on food without stepping foot outside this joint. I’ve baked every single day. Muffins, brownies, biscuits. Just call me Martha. And between three meals and all of the baking, that’s two full dishwashers a day. By the time I’ve woken up, cooked, and cleaned it’s time to cook again and the days are going by rather quickly. The boys are still learning that the dishes don’t have legs and cannot get themselves into the dishwasher or back to their homes once they are clean. I only send one or two (slightly) passive-aggressive texts a day (while we are all still home) about how the dishes are just as new to this apartment as we are and they haven’t quite gotten teleportation down yet. Apparently, dishwashers are a white person thing too. Who knew. 
The memes that have been created during the quarantine are beyond anything I’ve ever seen before and I’ve spent a lot of my time here laughing at other people’s creativity. My social media friends from the industry are pumping out content that is absolute gold about not working at a restaurant during this time. I’m also being frequently tagged in “workout” challenges by people I normally exercise with and think that despite my increased alcohol consumption, I may actually have some gain(z) after all of this is over. That and the fact that my diet consists mostly of broccoli. 

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

People Born in 2000 Can Drink Now

So it’s a new year, but you knew that. New year, same shit dude. Everyone thought last year was the worst but in all honesty, I made some awesome friends and traveled, loved every minute of “work” and didn’t get my heart broken once. You have to try a LOT harder to beat the dumpster fire that was Elizabeth 2019 after 5-15-19.  The irony? Just yesterday, January of 2021, someone else pulled an “I know you already have a flight to Tampa booked for THIS WEEK but I changed my mind so bye” which didn’t trigger me at all…I’m still going because I’ll be damned to miss out on a vacation that I’ve already packed for. You all know the effort it takes to make sure I travel with everything I could possibly need. I’m gonna kayak and adopt a manatee.  I’ll post another time about why we DO NOT date men under the age of 28 at a minimum. Especially when you know damn well what it is that you want and are more than capable of adulting while managing your time wisely.  Christmas and New ...
Read more

In Loving Memory of My Couch

  I got my first apartment when I was 19 years old. I had none of my own furniture at the time so I got an Ashley Furniture credit card (four years, zero interest) and hit up IKEA for the rest. This was the beginning of me having my own stuff. I’ve been called a hoarder for years and I might be… but I’ve worked damn hard for my money and if I choose to spend it on something, I value that item.  I am too stuck up to sleep on a used mattress or sit on someone’s used couch. I mean, seriously. Gross. I know what happens on my couch and mattress so I can only imagine what happens on someone else’s (...grow up). Those were both somewhat pricey investments. I can tell you that the $600 couch I got (that was black velvet material and oh so squishy) moved into that apartment, and then moved four additional times over seven years. It didn’t really look like it belonged in any of my apartments after the first, but I still loved and cared for it.  WHY am I talking to you about a couc...
Read more

Granola Donations Welcome

  It’s been such a long time since I’ve written anything that I may have forgotten how. Nothing new here. Just remodeled my bedroom so I could have a desk because someone decided to eat bat poop so now I can’t sit and study at Starbucks. Also built me a dresser and hung things on the walls like pictures and artwork so it’s like I’m a real adult now (all furniture was purchased from Wayfair and nothing that arrived resembled a child so there you have it).  The traveling has been pretty heavy for the past month and I’m just thrilled to be home. I think I could go another forever without being on a Spirit Airlines flight that costs less than $20 and features screaming one-year-olds on their mother’s lap in the seat directly next to mine. If I haven’t mentioned this before, after a year the child is in fact large enough to go into overhead storage. My Airpods couldn’t even block out that fucking nonsense.  I’m also working on this being organized thing which is much easier wh...
Read more