I Come Off Better In Writing

I know you think this is going to be another LOTR review and I’m so sorry to disappoint. Maybe I’ll throw a few opinions in if I run out of other useless nonsense to talk about. Yesterday was nice and I got outside for the first time after not seeing sunlight in nearly a week. My mom told me to not say this, but I very much compare it to the first time Anne Frank walked outside. I have never had such an experience with my eyes adjusting to light after an extended period of darkness. Again, I am only using these comparisons when they apply and I in no way consider this the equivalent of the holocaust. I just feel like Anne and I would get each other. Today, I considered taking a screenshot every time someone sends me that crying laughing emoji. It’s like proof that I’m funny. Might be a good way to save all the jokes that hit. Also, I’m usually not joking so that’s sorta annoying. Does that mean I’m naturally funny or people don’t take me seriously? Don’t answer that. It’s officially o...

I used to be the person that was so incredibly cool and so desperate for others to know my love for getting stoned that I’d say, “Happy Holidays” on 4/20. Today is 4/20/20. WOAH,  DUDE. After over a month in quarantine, I have finally gotten around to my Lord of the Rings movie marathon. I just want to put it out there that anyone who thought to make the extended version only available for purchase should be imprisoned.  I haven’t watched any of these since I was a senior in high school. Holy shit. I’m still on the Fellowship and I had forgotten so many things. This movie came out when I was 7 or 8 and I watched it then but it is scary as fuck now. Even with CGI that is 20 years old. Lurtz, the “lead” Orc, makes me want to cry. No wonder I’m afraid of the dark. I was also allowed to watch an Indiana Jones movie as a child where some guy’s heart was ripped from his chest and someone was lowered into a volcano to burn to death. This might explain some of the resentment I ...

*This was originally written yesterday in a notebook* Picture this:  Me, lounging on a hammock in the middle of nowhere with a cold beer (“cider”), and my book, wearing an unflattering bikini because it’s 77 and sunny, with my speaker next to me playing some Florence & The Machine.  Sounds nice, right? Besides the winter/isolation body in a bathing suit. I don’t have to picture it because that, my quarantined friends, is my current situation.  I’ve been doing my part and staying home for the last three weeks. Then a very summer-like day popped up on my radar and I had the idea to take a long bike ride. Ya know, be outside but still away from everyone. Ask Lori, us Chicagoans can’t be inside when we finally get a beautiful day after midwest winters.  Karen, I fucking know already. I’m not part of the problem, I was going to ride somewhere that wasn’t populated. You don’t have to go that hard to find a cornfield around here.  I digress. R...