I've Seen Sketchier

As I have made abundantly clear over the past 13 months, I take advantage of the opportunity to do things that make me happy. Most recently, that included a vacation to the places that serve grits. Flew down to NOLA a year almost to the day that we went last year. No open container laws, try it sometime. This isn’t an excuse to get belligerent, it just lowers restrictions on when and where you can be drinking a margarita.

For those who have never been, there are two things you must do in New Orleans. 

One: Beignets at Cafe Du Monde. This was my second time and I couldn’t have been happier. 

Two: Drink a Handgrenade. Not first thing in the morning. Have some sort of food in your stomach. The cup looks like a green grenade, the drink is green (option to have it frozen or “over ice” which is out of a soda gun) and they put a little plastic green “hand grenade” on the top as a garnish. It’s good at first. Once you’ve done this, you’ll feel it gradually hit you (and I’m quite convinced the key ingredient is some sort of motor oil), go wander bourbon street and buy $5 t-shirts. Not only is that a fun gift or keepsake but you’ll always remember those shirts as silly things you bought after drinking some very strong green Icee that you will either throw up or taste randomly for the next day. 

WARNING: These drinks are not for children or the elderly. Consuming more than one will put you in a state that you may not wish to be in (tried and tested). There are three Tropical Isle locations that sell them around Bourbon St and the French Quarter. 

I’m simply hitching my wagon to someone who was already down here and traveling around so at the end of the month we left the little suite in NOLA and headed to Savannah, GA. 

That’s a somewhat lengthy drive so we stopped off for a night in Panama City Beach FLORIDA. Not to be confused with Panama City Beach in Panama, where the fun casinos are located. 

If you’re looking for a spot where you can just stand in one place and sweat out all of the water you’ve ever drunk, get to Savannah! You were silly to think that New Orleans was hot and disgustingly humid. The positive is that the pretty Live Oak trees create a lot of shade and everything is so old and well landscaped that it takes your mind off some of the slow death by heat exhaustion. Also, no open container laws there either. 

Solid spots to eat by the river. Not a bad view in the house. It’s the “downtown” of any place you’ve ever been but that’s the whole city. If you wanted to go sit in a park, there are 22 “squares” that make up the city where you can learn about historic things and sit on a bench or throw coins in a fountain. You won’t get over how photogenic the trees are. 

The hotel we stayed at was the best place ever. Rooftop pool AND bar that served the best drinks I’ve ever had. Cabanas were free and had fans and televisions in them. One afternoon, we got a cabana right next to the pool, stood in the water with our drinks, and rewatched Game 7 of the 2016 World Series that was playing on some sports channel. It’s moments like those where I wonder if this is real life because how the fuck can you beat that? 

Last day in Savannah, we drove out to Tybee Island which is a short twenty minutes away. I needed to ride Jet Skiis on the ocean so we rented a couple for an hour. It should be illegal to have that much fun but the best part was that there were just casual dolphins all over the damn place. Apparently they’re familiar with boat activity and don’t jump in front of anything but we would see them and just turn off our motors and watch their fins poke up in the water. My talented photographer friend got some really good pictures and videos. I was obviously super chill about hanging around wild dolphins. Breezy. 

Sidenote: those little “waterproof” cases made to seal your phone in while in the water are your best $5 investment. I used them in Thailand to take actual underwater videos. Two jet skis, two iPhones, 0 water damage, and very cool footage. 

The original plan was to come to Atlanta for a hot second because I needed their airport to fly Southwest home, leaving my wagon here. Days before I was supposed to return, Queen Lori demanded that anyone returning to Chicago that had been in any of the states on her list, or rona “hot spots”, must quarantine for two weeks upon return. This was after we had literally slept in three states, all on her list. Let’s just say my families didn’t want anything I picked up, didn’t need me to work, and I pushed my flight almost another week. If I’m going to quarantine, let it be in this hotel room with the nicest TV I’ve ever laid eyes on and a Starbucks in the hotel lobby. Still here. Actually getting schoolwork done and while I ran out of clean clothes days ago, it’s just the two of us so there’s slightly less judgment. 

I don’t need to give you a blow-by-blow of the past six weeks for you to understand that most of downtown Atlanta is boarded up and closed. I think after the last 11 days, my body needed a break from the sun and fun and that alcohol stuff anyway. Pretty excited to sleep in my own bed tomorrow night and see my boys. I have been given no reason to believe that the apartment has burned down. Stay tuned for complaints about furniture assembly as I redo my bedroom so it can fit all my shit and possibly a desk.