Granola Donations Welcome

 It’s been such a long time since I’ve written anything that I may have forgotten how. Nothing new here. Just remodeled my bedroom so I could have a desk because someone decided to eat bat poop so now I can’t sit and study at Starbucks. Also built me a dresser and hung things on the walls like pictures and artwork so it’s like I’m a real adult now (all furniture was purchased from Wayfair and nothing that arrived resembled a child so there you have it). 

The traveling has been pretty heavy for the past month and I’m just thrilled to be home. I think I could go another forever without being on a Spirit Airlines flight that costs less than $20 and features screaming one-year-olds on their mother’s lap in the seat directly next to mine. If I haven’t mentioned this before, after a year the child is in fact large enough to go into overhead storage. My Airpods couldn’t even block out that fucking nonsense. 

I’m also working on this being organized thing which is much easier when you aren’t unpacking and repacking before you’ve even managed to finish unpacking. For my life, I couldn’t tell you where anything I own is right now including my favorite mascara. Pro tip: TSA does not GAF if you have little liquid bottles or small razors in your carry-ons so don’t stress about it. You cannot, however, bring on a half-full two gallon of Hawaiian fruit punch like the lady and her cripple mother tried to a few weeks ago. Duh. 

Also, take your AirPods out of your ears before you walk into the full-body x-ray machine. I swear I forget they aren’t part of my head now sometimes. 

Now that I own a “decorative” mirror and am basically too fancy for you all, I hope to spend more time sitting at my desk in my also fancy office chair writing. As we are now on month eighty of this pandemic, I lack anything interesting to talk about other than my new journey to lose weight (for the first time in my entire life). Expect complaints, more complaints, and some complaining about how much it sucks to not eat ice cream on the daily. The COVID19 was real and since I never got the chance to throw on a freshman 15, I’ve raised the bar pretty high as far as how much weight you can gain in a four-month time span. Remember when I had abs? Me too...sigh. 

If you are struggling to get through this time, I highly suggest a 3:1 ratio of bailey’s to coffee in the mornings. I’ve been taking mine over ice. At this point, you probably aren’t sick or already have been so go see your mother. 

The movie selection on HBOMax is litty titty. I’ve been pulling a full-on 2020 Britney and haven’t washed my eye makeup off in three days. I’m post remodel broke and out of granola so this week will be mediocre at best.