It's Funny Because It's True

In the spirit of always being pretty honest, let’s be honest here. 

You’re basically trash if Netflix is asking you “Are you still watching …?” and it’s light outside. Or, it isn’t light out but it’s the second time you’re seeing this prompt in the same sitting. 


So being single and poor and having no friends is playing out nicely on my Friday night. Technically, I didn’t work today so I have been in this spot for quite some time. I did get up for a glass of wine. Then I didn’t finish my wine before my fasting time started. The struggle, my friends, is real.


Intermittent fasting. Basically, you stop eating after a certain time in the early evening, and then you don’t get to have anything for about 16 hours. So I can’t have a drink at night, no snacks before bed, and no. fucking. breakfast. I think it’s working and there are a lot of people who speak highly of it so I’ll play this game for a bit longer before I re-apply for Victoria’s Secrets’ model program. 

Oh, you’re supposed to drink water. A lot. Have they met me?


So I’m trash (not the cute one from Toy Story 4), on yet another The Blacklist binge. I think this is my third round but I really don’t remember a lot of these episodes. If you haven’t watched this show yet, I can’t help you. It’s like a true-crime thing with a backstory and the criminals are Black Mirror-ish. James Spader is hilarious. I find humor to be a nice touch when there are really grotesque and graphic crimes happening. No clue how NBC ever got away with showing some of this in a prime-time slot. Are you allowed to torture people if you aren’t on HBO? I didn’t think so.


I probably would have done something else today but I can’t find the remote (shocking, I know) so I’m just leaving this on and it keeps sucking me in. 


I want to revise my original statement. You’re definitely trash if you get a “Are You Still Watching…” prompt from Netflix and it’s been hours since you’ve seen the remote so you can’t even answer without making a fuss. And then after all that fuss, you might as well keep watching since you just put so much work in to find the remote and answer. 


So I’ve been pretty much single for pretty much a week now and I can’t help the agonizing pain of missing my human, even though it’s so clear he’s wrong for me and what I need. I’m like the pathetic 16-year-old waiting by my phone. Do I cry myself to sleep? Sure. When insomnia and headaches from cutting carbs allows me to. 


The thing about having been so happy once is that most of the loss I felt afterward, when the shock wore off, was knowing it’s unlikely I’d ever have that again. To have all of your needs met and someone who you just get along with so well? It’s rare. It was easy. It just worked. 


Knowing now that nothing may be that good again, I’m almost willing to settle. But at the same time, I can’t settle because I love him but I really hate him too. Seriously, I feel like I’m writing in a highschool diary right now. DATING SUCKS. I wasn’t supposed to have to do this again. I was done. Now I’m just sitting alone on a Friday night waiting for someone to come sweep me off my damn feet. I WANT TO BE SWEPT. I accept men as they are. They’re horrible humans. They’re so flawed and emotionally stunted. But some are capable of acts of kindness. What I would do to be surprised. 


Not seconds after I finished typing that I was asked on a breakfast date. Not getting my hopes up. But I love pancakes and having plans made for me. 


And you, sitting there judging me for going on a date when I just told you I’m still in love with someone, you’re name is officially KAREN and you haven’t lived if you think people can’t have genuine feelings for more than one person. I need help moving on. I need to move on. I can’t move on. I don’t want to move on. I want to move on. I really need to move on. 


THAT. IS MY BRAIN. 


If you enjoyed that little preview keep reading as I will try and update everyone on my insanity and starvation often. 

Comments

  1. Elly (:September 11, 2020 at 9:40 PM

    Hi new/old best friend. I think you are wonderful and perfect and everything you write is so much of what I’ve also written. You do have friends, because hi! ❤️ Love you 5ever my other black haired queen ���� ��. Can’t wait to read on and also make plans.

    ReplyDelete

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