I Come Off Better In Writing

A few things happened this week that I thought I’d tell you about. You know when you can’t find your phone and you’re running around looking for it but it’s in your hand? And when you realize it, you feel silly? Everyone has done it. Let’s support each other here. Today on my walk with the baby I was all bundled up because of winter in Chicago. I kicked a giant leaf on the sidewalk and thought I had dropped a glove. I’ve never owned a pair of gloves that remained together for more than a few weeks besides my ski gloves that CLIP TOGETHER. Why don’t they all do that? Who knows. Sometimes kid gloves do but why are we discriminating against people with adult hands? Anyway, I see it was a leaf, start to panic because my gloves aren’t in the little pocket with my keys. They aren’t down by the diaper bag. Damnit. My new gloves. Were on my hands. Did you see that coming? We had a bit of an episode today as well, which is to be expected with a toddler. The thing is with both of my youngest, fo...

  *Preface: reading this back makes me sound a bit unhinged. That’s sort of how I feel when my head gets like this. Blame it on the alcohol PTSD? Have you ever just cried for no reason and known it wasn’t caused by PMS and were just like “ugh fuck”. I want to be funny and uplifting but recent events have me questioning what I know about myself. In true Elizabeth fashion, already met someone else. It’s still new. I like him. He makes me nervous. I’ve word vomited on him several times already. When is a good time to bring up my personal trauma? I’ve waited days, weeks, even about a month in the past. I don’t want to talk about it at all but it still consumes so much of who I am. And I say things like “sorry I can’t shut up, I wasn’t like this before” or “I have a hard time focusing on anything. I wasn’t always like this”. I haven’t always been this way. And I miss old me. I hate this manic brain of mine. I have moved on but this is what I have become and it’s directly related to “se...

I haven’t written anything in over a month but I feel now like I really need to. Why has it been so long? I don’t really know. I’ve been depressed. You have no interest in the diets I’ve failed, the weight I lost and then gained back, and the internal struggle I face just about every day. This entire pandemic and this year have really kicked my ass. I tried to beat it but when my ability to support myself was taken from me because Lor closed the restaurants again, I felt like I lost anything I had built back to that point. And the holidays are quickly approaching. This is a rough one, that’s for sure. Damnit.  Now my mascara soaked tears fall on the keyboard as I ugly sob over yet another failed relationship. I’ve been trying so hard to grasp at the happiness I once possessed and surely deserve but this one wasn’t it either. And the thing is, I lacked a bit of what I needed with this guy but in a time where everything is so negative and bad, his insane amounts of energy and laughte...

  I got my first apartment when I was 19 years old. I had none of my own furniture at the time so I got an Ashley Furniture credit card (four years, zero interest) and hit up IKEA for the rest. This was the beginning of me having my own stuff. I’ve been called a hoarder for years and I might be… but I’ve worked damn hard for my money and if I choose to spend it on something, I value that item.  I am too stuck up to sleep on a used mattress or sit on someone’s used couch. I mean, seriously. Gross. I know what happens on my couch and mattress so I can only imagine what happens on someone else’s (...grow up). Those were both somewhat pricey investments. I can tell you that the $600 couch I got (that was black velvet material and oh so squishy) moved into that apartment, and then moved four additional times over seven years. It didn’t really look like it belonged in any of my apartments after the first, but I still loved and cared for it.  WHY am I talking to you about a couc...

On a scale from 1 to angsty, I’m currently at a 30. If you’re confused, let me clarify. I’m currently listening to Avril Lavigne’s “Let Go” album. I think I’ve already headbanged to “Thing’s I’ll Never Say” about ten times. I’ve got the feels.  How am I doing today? Well, last night I noticed my left eye was sorta red. Figured I just poked myself with my new eyeliner. Woke up this morning in a lot of pain, and my eye looks like it’s been overtaken by the devil. It’s not an infection, I’ve had enough of those to know the difference. So besides resembling Satan and sitting at my laptop with a bottle of Clear Eyes next to me, trying not to count the number of drinks I had between Friday night and last night, I’m just fucking wonderful. Was fun had? Oh yes.  If you’re really close to me, you already know this. I tend to be pretty consistent (check a previous post with the list of things everyone tends to know about me). I love live music. More specifically, I love a good cover ban...

In the spirit of always being pretty honest, let’s be honest here.  You’re basically trash if Netflix is asking you “Are you still watching …?” and it’s light outside. Or, it isn’t light out but it’s the second time you’re seeing this prompt in the same sitting.  So being single and poor and having no friends is playing out nicely on my Friday night. Technically, I didn’t work today so I have been in this spot for quite some time. I did get up for a glass of wine. Then I didn’t finish my wine before my fasting time started. The struggle, my friends, is real. Intermittent fasting. Basically, you stop eating after a certain time in the early evening, and then you don’t get to have anything for about 16 hours. So I can’t have a drink at night, no snacks before bed, and no. fucking. breakfast. I think it’s working and there are a lot of people who speak highly of it so I’ll play this game for a bit longer before I re-apply for Victoria’s Secrets’ model program.  Oh, you’re su...

I know I don’t write anymore so here’s a summarized update and then I’ll begin a much-needed vent. So I bought one of those new scales that tells you your BMI and body fat percentages and all that, and it’s fascinating. I’m on the thing four times a day trying to figure out if that glass of water I just drank registered (it tells you your water percentages too, whatever that means). Do you know how you’ve gotta spend money to make money? Well, my weight loss journey was a sort of gain more weight to losing weight. I just love carbs too much. I was going to try being Keto, (I’ve heard it actually works) and got 36 hours into a Keto diet before becoming sicker than I’d ever felt in my life. No carbs or sugar? YEAH. OKAY. It’s called the “keto flu” and it makes the actual flu seem like Disneyworld. Wasn’t much longer after that I was shoving quesadillas and beer down my throat to revive myself. Since that didn’t fucking work I now intermittent fast which means don’t eat for most hours of ...

  It’s been such a long time since I’ve written anything that I may have forgotten how. Nothing new here. Just remodeled my bedroom so I could have a desk because someone decided to eat bat poop so now I can’t sit and study at Starbucks. Also built me a dresser and hung things on the walls like pictures and artwork so it’s like I’m a real adult now (all furniture was purchased from Wayfair and nothing that arrived resembled a child so there you have it).  The traveling has been pretty heavy for the past month and I’m just thrilled to be home. I think I could go another forever without being on a Spirit Airlines flight that costs less than $20 and features screaming one-year-olds on their mother’s lap in the seat directly next to mine. If I haven’t mentioned this before, after a year the child is in fact large enough to go into overhead storage. My Airpods couldn’t even block out that fucking nonsense.  I’m also working on this being organized thing which is much easier wh...