I Come Off Better In Writing

Another difficult week has ended, but something pretty good might have come out of it. Going to keep that on the DL for now. That’s the first time I’ve ever had reason to use “DL” and I feel really cool about it. I did get to see my girlfriend for the first time since New Years and we did our typical drinking and fun activities which made out to be a really great Saturday night. I don’t think it’s a huge secret that I’m attracted to women. Look at the way I dress. So I have a side bitch basically, and she’s who I text when men suck. She’s forever my Babe and the absolute best drinking partner I could ask for.  So I’ve got to give my opinion on some things here. The main focus of my week was these GOD DERN wisdom teeth. I’ve had teeth things in the past and given my fair share of money to the dental industry for being born with some dumb guys (and also not actually seeing a dentist after my mom stopped scheduling me appointments- because I hadn’t lived at home in years). I p...

I've got great news. Ready? Here it is... After several months of having a really bad attitude and opting to simply "not work", my coffee Keurig has rejoined us. I went back and forth debating its replacement but didn't want to shell out the money because it was making all of the right noises, just not actually pouring the cup. A friend suggested hitting it, then talking nicely. I think it was standing in front of it crying because I just wanted some hot chocolate that really did the trick. Either way, it works and my week really needed that. I won't give up my fancy Starbucks latte anytime soon, but the expense was damn near killing me and I needed something right outside my bedroom door in the morning so I could wake up enough to get myself to Starbucks. If this doesn't excite you, you must have one of those really great lives where you always win and things go right when they need to or you just don't fully understand the anguish that my lack of Keu...

Being a functional member of society is, I’m finding, one of my greatest daily challenges. The stress of my everyday life has caused me to be in a somewhat permanent bad mood and like anyone in a bad mood, it seeps from my pores. I don’t exactly love “people” all of the time but my short temper with basic humanity is getting pretty intense.  Did you know that they let people with mental and physical deficiencies (such as the ability to see) drive cars around the city on Saturday mornings? A little girl, driving what I can only assume was her parents Volkskwagon SUV, backed up into my car at a red light in the left turn lane. Didn’t bother looking behind her before just deciding that if she couldn’t go forward, she’d try reverse out and see if that worked. It was just a bump and there was (thankfully) no damage to my POS car but this was after I had been called into work at 9 am on my morning off and I was still on my first coffee..which is basically “pre” coffee and does NOTHI...

I wrote this the other night. Some of it is sort of sad but it's okay not to be okay all the damn time and I just got through one hell of a day all by my damn self. And I only cried twice. I am thankful for the things that were awful to get through because they definitely made me into the person I am today, and I like that person very much (if you couldn’t already tell). But the thing is, as much as I value experience, I wouldn’t wish that sort of pain on anyone. I wouldn't wish loneliness on anyone. As nice as it feels to have a person to relate to, I hope nobody can because this is sort of awful.  I have a rather complicated opinion on love.  I think that humans are programmed to love as much and as often as we can. It’s just who we are. I don't consider myself not okay with being alone, but I'm biologically programmed to want to love someone. So what do you do when the one person who loved you, cherished you, was there every single day for you, just falls of...

I spoke a bit before on how I used retail therapy to help me get through things last year. I always have been a spender, but I really turned it up a notch after I lost seemingly everything. I’ve heard a lot of people say that material items can’t make you happy. Well, I come home every night and see my shoes and feel pretty great so, get at me. I recently invested in a pair of Nike running shoes and not only am I happy but my feet are ecstatic. I used to exclusively leave the house in sweats and I still do, but now it’s more of track pants or joggers and cute sneakers look to take away from that “dumpster kitty” swag I had before. Do you care what I wear? Certainly not. But I feel like a real adult now and people don’t look at me like I should be begging for money on a street corner.  I’m not going to try and talk you out of using retail therapy as a way to make yourself happy. Do it. But let me help you out, as someone who KNOWS how to spend money. We buy things that we “need”...

Do you know how the song “Hey Jude” ends? Of course, you do. It’s iconic and also cannot be avoided. It’s MINUTES of “Nahnahnahnah”’s and they make you feel so empowered when belting them to the top of your longs. Often in combination with alcohol or SoulCycle. Now here’s a better one for you; “The Boxer” by Simon and Garfunkle gave me the fucking feels tonight. It doesn’t go on nearly as long as “Hey Jude” does but nevertheless it’s over a minute of that repetition and it keeps that head nod going. We are also going to see “Lovin’, Touchin’, Squeezin’” on this list because..duh.  I’m absolutely in love with a good “belt out your goddamn soul” kind of song. I mean, isn’t that why we all love “Livin’ On A Prayer”? (one of my original favorites from when I was just a kiddie discovering my voice). Tell me you’ve passed up the opportunity to scream “I never knew I cared until I met you”, and you can go to boring land where you belong. So I’ve decided to compile a list of the songs t...

I wrote something last night that was rather negative and quite abrasive. I don’t have as many bad days anymore but the ones I do have consist of me calling my mother and losing my shit pretty hard. I have to say since last May, where this was a daily occurrence and she would stay with me on the weekends to save herself from late-night calls, I’ve come pretty far. Most people who know me know I’m a classic rock fan. I’m not saying that I don’t enjoy anything written in the 21st century but it’s never my first pick. HOWEVER, last the summer after shit hit the fan, Lizzo became super popular. If you can’t get down to Lizzo, you should really talk to someone. “Good as Hell” was the first time I danced again. I would play it on repeat while in the shower. My best friend, Jon, would crack up every single time I “checked my nails” because I did my little dance EVERY SINGLE TIME I heard the song. I think the reality is that good music and a dance party pulls me out of a funk and it works...

PREFACE: I did not change Christopher's name in this. He doesn't deserve the anonymity I was not put on this earth to impress anyone and that is never my goal. I don’t walk around saying “I work a lot of jobs and go to school” because I’m looking to sound like a badass. Maybe if I were doing a little better at handling it all I’d feel proud enough to brag a bit but most days it’s all going up in flames and I’m crying into a pile of clean laundry. Or dirty laundry. But always in a pile and never put away because WHO THE FUCK HAS THE TIME. Why on earth do I have so much laundry? I retail therapy’d my ass off last summer. The one and ONLY good thing (If you’ll call it good) about a “break up” is getting my size 2 back. You all think I’m sick because my goal is a 2. Get over it. I’m rather vain and it’s real genetic folks. Anyway, I was tiny and I got myself all cute outfits and basically bought out Lulus entire website. So that on top of collecting sweatpants and rando...

I’ve started doing something in the past year (post “trauma”) that I like to call “word vomit”. It’s when my brain is manic and I’m trying to sort out my thoughts and I cannot stop talking. In situations where I had nobody to speak to, I’d write things in the notes on my phone. It’s a way of telling myself that these thoughts, while seemingly insane and overwhelming sometimes, are also very important. People who stood by me in the past 9 months are all too familiar with my word vomit and would be wealthy if they were able to bill me for the hours they spent on the other line listening to me go off. When I was given a whole pharmacy of prescriptions that were going to help me through that time, one was a seizure medication that’s purpose was to slow my brain the fuck down. It made me sick and I couldn’t take it, which the doctor somewhat expected but thought it would be worth a shot. Manic. Never in my 25 years had my brain functioned at such a manic state. It’s what keeps you up at ni...